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Things Not To Do On Facebook

Facebook: World's largest social networking site or as we say the duckfae hub full of people you always avoided or ignored in real life. The place where you post hearts on your BF/GF's wall when you are not adding random chicks or updating song lyrics as your status update. but here are some things that you should never do/ stop doing on FB.

1. Liking your own status:

Liking your own status is epitome of narcissism. Just why the Fuck you would 'like' your own status? why why why? to increase number of likes? if yes, please commit suicide.

2. Adding Random People:

As facebook clearly states that you should only add people you personally know, stop sending/accepting friend requests to/of random people. seriuosly, no one gives a flying fuck about your friend count and those girls with hot DP's are either mad, whores, or most commonly fake ID's created by a random jobless asshole to promote his/her page, blog etc.

3. Sending Farmville requests:

See, we appreciate the fact that you want to play a game with us. But why farmville? why not an actual fucking game. We seldom get any notifications and when we find out that the only notification we got after 69 days was a stupid game request, it makes us wanna kill you - The SAW way.

*Author's Note: I myself blocked some 16 people for the same reason. also I am baned from Farmville and Cityville because I tried to grow marijuana and a red zone area in respective games.

4. Adding your family members:

Unless and util you're willing to be embarrased by your family members in front of all your friends. Just dont do it.

5. Spamming with your Blog/Fb page etc.:

Please. Don't. Do. It. Please.

6. Chatting on Each others' wall:

Even though it is sucky, but Facebook still have that chatbox thing. Please use it instead of communicating on each others' wall so that all your 500 stalker friends can read it. Tell me this: for what reason would you invite someone to a private party by writing on their wall, other than to show off to all the people on their friends list who you don't want to come? It just makes you look like a tit, so don't do it.

7. Using Uppercase:

WELL, YOU SHOULD NOT USE FUCKING UPEERCASE ANYWHERE. STOP SCREAMING ON MY NEWS FEED.

8.Upload photos to Facebook and deleting originals:

Uploading photos to Facebook can be a very handy way of sharing your holiday snaps. But for the love of God, don't lose your originals. Facebook is terrible at compressing and resizing images - it turns your 14MP panoramas into 14KB monstrosities. Facebook is not a suitable repository to store your precious photos!

9. Lazy grammar and spelling mistrakes:

Reading Facebook is like perusing a six-year olds' English copybook. Come on, people: 'Your' is 'your'. 'You are' is 'you're'. It really isn't hard to get that little one right. And understanding the difference between there, their and they're surely isn't too much of a challenge?

10. Joining ridiculous chain-mail groups:

Why do people insist on joining groups such as "On the X of May, everyone has to panic buy carrots"? Come on people, how stupid are you? There's one group on Facebook devoted to nullifying the vegetarian moral crusade, and it's called: "For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three". That's a good group name. "I think Ryan Seacrest is the best presenter ever" is not.

11. Tag people in images they are not related with:
What is the significance of adding 56354343543543 friends in that self-shot duck-face photo taken in bathroom? Just blastin our notifications?

12. POKE random people:

Don’t poke people you don’t know. Let’s face it poking, even in the real world, would not win you many fans. So why try it on unsuspecting strangers in the virtual world?

Your DSLR

Digital single-lens reflex Cameras or DSLR's are nowadays not a proffessional photographer's tool. They're now a device owned by teenagers who niether have any idea of all the functions of it nor do they need it.

Owning a DSLR have now become a trend, everyone have one, those who dont have them are socially outcasted.

It is like having the best bag-packs in II Grade or the best bycycle in Grade VI. It is now a device which you do not need but without which you won't look trendy. They are the new 'Being human' T-shirts or the new 'Narrow-bottom jeans'.

Falling in the vicious circle of marketing, more kids demands these expensive cameras and once they get it, they start flaunting it, strengthening the circle.

But now that they own one, their entire posse exalts them to the level of some great photographer. Suddenly a beggar, a street dog will become an object of art, the perfect picture.

They will start taking pictures of almost everything they see. From a roadside tea-stall to those people peeing on walls. From awkward and embarrasing positions of their friends to a red spot on their testicle.

The resolution and the quantum of pixels makes everything better even if the dude behind the camera is a wannabe teeange photographer. No sir, it is not you, it is the damn camera.

Naturally, they run around everywhere with their camera – poking it into random areas and trying to look sophisticated adjusting settings. But in reality, they are just pressing random buttons to figure out their actual functions.

And to add to dismal, they will upload these photos on their Facebook tagging and cluttering Timelines of 1458764631 friends who are in no way related with the picture. The folder named either 'Mah clicks' or 'Photography' will surely get them hundreds of likes. Other wannabe douchebags will add comments like 'So beautiful', 'LOL that's hillllllaaaariiios', 'Dood! You are so talented' and all.

They will get thousands of likes, comments and "awwwwwww's" on all of the 20,000 consecutive pictures of poor children in their great-grandfather's childhood underwears. Even if you upload the same picture a zillion times, you will get all these "Likes" and "Comments" on all of them.

Yes, amongst all the smart people who did not waste their money into buying that DSLR, you will be everyone's centre of attention with that HGGE camera hanging round your neck. (Yes, you can use it to commit suicide if you dont get a job after a few years.)

But that doesnt change anything. You were talentless, you still are talentless, but if you dont put your efforts into converting this show-off of yours into an actual job, you will be talentless and jobless as well.

And somehow if you get an actual job, one day you'll find that DSLR in a forsaken trash-box having other stuff you cried for in front of your parents. Your actual 'love-of-life'.